Rebellious Albert’s soul or what goes around in atomic Bern

What one has to do to get his own museum in Bern with the attic and entrance fee for 18 Francs? To receive a proposal of being Israel president, to take a selfie with Marie Curie-Sklodowska and to show tongue at Andy Warhal’s. Or to have cloudy hairstyle. Nope, that’s not enough.
You need to get bored of school so much to apply for addmission to the University of Technology without even having maturity exams and to then fail the entrance exams. Now, that’s already something. Then you can move to another school where the teachers are not so strict, receive a must-have maturity paper and pass entrance exams by sliding easily on A+. And then apply for an academic teacher in a few different universitites and be rejected every time.

Later on you may eventually become a teacher and give classes for 3 students cause no one else was interested. Then you may live from hand to mouth and rent a one-room-appartment in Bern on a second floor with very twisting staircase in order to earn subsequently 6 Francs by observing every time how bunch of intruisive tourists climb with difficulty and fall down from dreadful stairs as they want to see how you survived pityfull poverty.

And then it’s enough to publish very easy mathematic equation E=mc2 and get a Nobel prize. That’s a quick life tutorial already practised by Albert Einstein. He managed, so why can’t we? A Pole can do everything. I bet at least few facts of Albert’s life will be suprising for you. But – as we say – one wants to be great, one needs to be naughty.

Fact No. 1: Well, the naughty Albert bamboozled the only female University colleague and – as it used to be yore said – he made her a belly before wedding. The in-love-would-be physicist Mileva went back to the family grounds in Serbia where she gave birth to a baby that nobody ever heard of anymore. Einstein never saw his first-born daughter. That didn’t stop him to marry romatic foreigner a year later and procreate more children with God’s will. The would-be physicist shared a fate of many then Swiss women and became a scientist specialized in home laundry and celery soup. Apparently a role of housewife and chasing Albert all around Europe stopped being satisfying for her, as the marriage ended up with divorce.
Comfortless Einsten comforted himself very quickly, the only problem he had was deciding between a horny twenty-year-old and her mother. Finally „the older wine, the better” option won and Albert got married for the second time, with his cousin, Elsa.

Fact No. 2: Albert was a Jew and although he didn’t pay much attention to his roots, social tendences in Europe in the twenties were a burden for him. He resigned from his German nationality and accepted the Swiss one. When Hitler came to powers, Einsten proudly announced to avoid German Weimarland ever after. He kept his promise and sailed on swaying legs to America, where he lived a life of senescent emmigrant. During that time he activelly supported Jews’ efforts to establish Israel. It resulted in offering him a position of a new-born country’s president. He rejected it, maybe that’s even a pity – as a boss he might have reccomended better hair-cut to Golda Meir. The truth is, the Israeli prime minister was not a beauty.

Fact No.3 Albert was a friend of Mary. They spent holidays together with their children and took selfies at scientific conferences. Mary was obviously cooler than Albert, cause she already had two family names (Curie- Sklodowska), two Nobel prizes and was the only women in men scientific world. For sure she taught Einsten how to make Polish dumplings out of polonium.

Fact No. 4: Einstein could have been Edward Snowden of his time. More than atomic bomb, the Americans feared that he would gossip about it so they set him aside from the project on new invention. That didn’t prevent the then press to lynch him publicly for firing bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The irony, as Albert was a dedicated pacifist and strongly opposed these experiments. Well, one must pay for being famous and widely read subject will always find a target victim.

Fact No 5. Ha! I’ve got you! Who knew that we owe beer drinkers festivity, Octoberfest in Munich, to Einstein? Not Albert, though, but his father and uncle, who enlightened first local market for beermen, known today as Octoberfest, with their electricity company. So, gentlemen, next October let’s make a beer toast for Einsten seniors.

Fact No 6. The time has come and 18th of April 2015 was exactly 60th anniversary when Albert moved to heavenly paradise. We, Poles, love round anniversaries of very sad events, so on this occasion I pictured short tutorial how to earn on tourist in a capital city of a Helvetic country, using interesting atomic biography.

For the most lazy ones: Link to Einstein Museum in Bern


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